Video games don't make good movies: a review of Mortal Kombat

Ok all you loyal readers out there, trivia question.  What is the only movie reviewed on CLAWtomic BAUM that is based on a video game?  . . .  If you said Prince of Persia (review here) you are a true fan of our blog (good job Joey).  Following in the video game theme, I recently watched Mortal Kombat and thought it was review worthy.  This film had long been on my list to see as I was a big fan of the video games.
 
The best place to start with this one is the title.  Why the heck is combat misspelled?  I know it is spelled this way for the games too, but I still don’t get it.  The best part of this movie is the first five to ten seconds.  A voice yells “MORTAL KOMBAT!!!” and then the theme song plays.  After this, I would suggest you turn of the movie, bust out the N64 and play the game for the hour and a half that you were planning on watching the movie.  It is flat out awful.
 
The main theme of the movie mirrors the plot of the game in that there is a tournament of one-on-one martial arts bouts.  Although contrary to common sense, the fighting scenes were apparently not a priority.  Most of their clashes were about as realistic as an OJ Simpson alibi.  Bad example he got off.  They’re about as realistic as. . . the Cubs chances of salvaging this season.
 
Many of the characters are present with their own shticks and terribly forced conflicts.  However, the information surrounding them is shallow at best.  Rather than telling the back story of how Scorpion can throw snakes out of his hands or how SubZero can freeze you before he breaks your head off, they settle with just telling you that the two are enemies while the rest is left to your imagination.  Speaking of the characters, the leader for the ‘good’ characters is Lord Rayden, God of Lightning.  Unfortunately, I think he looked a lot like Phil Hartman, so every time he was on screen I started laughing and could hear Arnold Schwarzenegger yelling “Put that cookie down!!!”  Another good laugh was how Liu Kang’s beautiful feathered Asian mullet stays perfectly in place through all of his tussles.    It’s about as immovable as Barry Bonds at the top of my all-time least favorite baseball player list (I would have said athlete, but Lebron is closing in).
 
Mortal Kombat is at very best one you should only watch if you have Netflix and you are streaming it instantly (huge fan of Netflix).  It is B-level acting with a plot that rivals the intrigue of watching a NBA regular season game between the Grizzlies and the Clippers.  I can safely say that I will never watch it again, but for some stupid reason, I still want to see the sequel.
 
1 out of 5 stars
 
Hopefully this blog isn’t as utterly disappointing to you as this film was to me.  Let me know what you think.  Shoot us an e-mail or leave a comment below.  And unless you hate puppies or beautiful sunsets you should check out our twitter @ClawtomicBaum.  You won’t regret it.  
 
 
 
-Nuss