Two Men and Some Movies

The CLAWtomic BAUM Movie Reviews

Hello to everyone (When I say everyone, I mean Hi mom, hi dad! Also, the four friends that I have.. What’s up?). Myself and James Nussbaum have decided we want to spread our knowledge (next to none) and love (wow, we have no lives) of movies to everyone who wants to listen! This can range from a variety of things. Our discussion will include, but are not limited to movie reviews, top movies, worst movies, favorite genres, answering your e-mails, etc.

I’m sure a lot of you are wondering who are these two young guns? Ok, you’re right. No one gives a rip, but we are going to enlighten you anyway. James and I go way back to elementary school. You are being blessed to read and pick the brains of a couple absolute studs. Growing up, James and I always knew we were going to be professional athletes. James was destined for the NFL. I on the other hand was destined for the NBA. As we finish our college careers and are ready to move onto the next chapters of our lives, we realized dreams don’t come true (That’s right kids, you really can(‘T) achieve anything if you put your mind to it). James has just wrapped up a college career that included him with the opportunity to play (walk-on) football at Northwestern… Go Cats! I was fortunate to have the opportunity to play (walk-on, hey James and I have something in common!) basketball for two seasons for The Ball State David Letterman’s, Chirp-Chirp! As slow, white, unathletic guys we know that realistically the chances of playing athletics professionally are none and none. We know that it is time to spend all of our time doing something else. James and I have a lot of great stories that involve movies. We each went on our one (and only) blind date to see a movie when we were 14 (Pirates of the Caribbean). A big shout out to my man Trent Brunic for setting James and I up with the most awkward night of our lives. I still wonder why she never returned my calls… sigh. We also attempted to go see Mean Girls in theatres (I don’t care who you are. At one point, Lindsay Lohan was hot! My how things change). We ended up sneaking out of the theatre before the movie ever started because the “hot/cool” older girls from our high school went out as a group to see it at the same time. Being the manly men that we are and not wanting to spoil a chance of landing a late prom date with a senior, I suggested to James it would be in our best interest to wait for the DVD release. Because of our common interest and stories shared from movies, here comes the blog.

Since the pro sports career might not happen, I have to start looking elsewhere. My back up plan to being an NBA player (Thanks a lot Mark “The Shark” Titus, you ruined my idea of putting my name in the draft, but I still admire you anyway.) was always to be a stay-at-home dad and marry a “sugar momma”. Well, I’m 22 and single so you tell me if that one is going to work out. I know dad, I know, “Marry for height and money, you can learn to love them later!” I’m working on it I promise! My back-up, back-up plan was always… nothing because I knew I would get Plan A and B, make millions and take millions from my wife!

So, I currently am in quite the dilemma. I will be graduating this May from college and entering the “valid world” (sorry, I hate the term “real world” and that was the best synonym I could come up with). I am having quite the challenge deciding what I want to do when I graduate. To say I don’t have a clue would be, well, an understatement. Everyone always says you have to figure out what you love doing and then find a job that relates to that. Since my ultimate passion is sleeping, I realize I will never get paid to do what I really love for a living (not fair). However, my friends tell me I am a walking movie. I can’t go a day without quoting a movie and certain ones I quote so good that I stare at myself in the mirror and think get a life (Just kidding… I’m awesome!). James can vouch for this. We spent 3 seasons sitting on the bench for Varsity basketball. Most kids probably watched the game and talked about what was going on the court. Not us, we talked about girls (we got none, we were on the end of the bench, and the only person that’s a bigger loser than the guys that can’t get in the game are the chicks dating those two guys), our passion for hating our high school coach (Hey, there’s another thing I love, can I make a career out of that?), and movies.

Since I have a passion for movies and movie quoting I figured I could always be a movie critic (Ha, that’ll happen). Instead, I have decided I want to spend hours discussing movies and my thoughts on them with you for FREE, did I mention I’m awesome? When I say I love movies, it’s a fact. I’m not using that word like a sorority girl that loves all her sisters and thinks they’re her besties (HATE THAT WORD). I am the kid that successfully found a way to tie a Dirty Work clip into every one of my speeches given in my high school speech class, including an impromptu speech (I carried the movie with me at all times). I am also the kid that owns a combo DVD pack that has both Mr. Nanny and Suburban Commando (Yeah, I went there). I don’t say OMG The Hangover is the funniest movie ever (Really??? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being in a wolfpack just as much as the next guy, but come on!) I also just have random quotes that pop in my head for no reason at all. For example:

"Hi, Frank. That's a nice doll you have there. Yeah, Thanks. She's ok."

To start with our first blog, James and I are going to give you our top 5 movies. Please note that this is where you will notice that we have a vastly different taste. James would probably grade my movie taste as horrendous, but I just say he doesn’t know good comedy! Also, please recognize that this is not a Top 5 best movies, these are my favorite five. Here goes nuttin’.

5. BASEketball- Anyone who says this movie sucks can’t be my friend. This is one of the most underrated/under quoted movies of our generation. I re-call a 2 week period where this movie appeared on Starz every night at 9 PM for two weeks straight. Needless to say my little brother (What up, Jon? I don’t care how tall you are, you’re still little) watched it almost every night. No, it isn’t a great movie. No, it doesn’t have a great plot. No, there isn’t a twist. However, this is just a very re-watchable movie that I find myself enjoying every time I watch it.

Favorite Quote: "Of course we graduated, cock, beer?"

4. 3 Ninjas- Everyone has the favorite movie from their childhood, am I right? Well, mine was 3 Ninjas. I always pretended I was “Colt” growing up. Watching 3 Ninjas as a (mostly )grown man now makes me appreciate my young innocence even more. It doesn’t matter what is going on in my day, if I put this movie on, I am a kid again for approximately 90 minutes and then it’s back to reality. If anyone would like to purchase this movie poster for me, it would be greatly appreciated. In fact, I think I will add that to my dream girl qualities. I tell everyone the day I buy a lucky girl a ring is the day she either: A) Is a South Park Fan B) Buys me a pair of Air Jordan shoes for a holiday and now C) Buys me the 3 Ninjas poster.

Favorite Quote: "We don’t wanna hurt you, we just wanna KIDNAP you."

3. Fletch- In my opinion, you can’t go wrong with Chevy Chase. He is probably my favorite all time actor. I have even dedicated a handful of class presentations in his honor (A true American hero, just like JFK and Martin Luther King Jr.!). That being said, it doesn’t get better than Chevy Chase dressing up as a bunch of ridiculous characters. The movie actually has a decent plot and is definitely a classic. I am glaring up at the movie poster as we speak. It is hanging in my room right next to Semi-Pro (hilarious movie).

Favorite Quote: "I rent ‘em. I have a lease with an option to buy."

2. The Dark Knight- Is there a “super hero” movie better than the Dark Knight? I don’t think so (although Batman Begins (Dang, Christopher Nolan, you can make movies!) and Ironman do give it a run for its money). Heath Ledger is iconic in this movie and will forever leave his mark on movies. The man died as Joker. He proved he can flat out act in anything. From bad boy heartthrob in 10 Things I hate About You, to boy loving man in Brokeback Mountain, to creep villain in TDK. There are two flaws in this movie that keep it from being my number one best movie. First, Christian Bale’s Batman voice is so overdone and dramatic. I sometimes think I would be more entertained if someone did a voice over with the chipmunks voice. Secondly, Maggie Gyllenhall being Bruce Wayne’s childhood love is a no-no. Call me shallow, but a girl of her caliber is not who I see Bruce Wayne with. He is portrayed in every movie as being Filet Mignon. Whereas I would give Gyllenhall the grade of, er, well, bologna. All in all, a tremendous film with a great cast!

Favorite quote: "The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming."

1. Shawshank Redemption- I know, I know. I am so cliché! But seriously, for me, this is hand downs a great film. It is very hard for me to deem a drama re-watchable, but the Shank is. Morgan Freeman in this movie is golden. I give Shawshank a 9.9999999999999999/10

Favorite quote: "Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’."

As you can see, I am a big fan of re-watchable comedies. You will find that out pretty quick. I also have a wide variety of movies.

Please follow us on Twitter (Yeah, we're tweeters) at twitter.com/CLAWtomicBAUM for funny, daily movie quotes!

Also, feel free to e-mail us with questions, comments and feedback at clawandnussreviews@gmail.com.

We will check our e-mail constantly and even answer questions you might have in our upcoming entries!

Hope you enjoyed my first entry. If not, just get out of the way while I get busy livin'.

Look for THE James Nussbaum to post his entry very soon...

I'm out.

-#0 The Claw