I was in 3 Ninjas. Can I Have Yo' Number?

First and foremost… In response to Nuss’s post about my hatred for baseball, I would like to explain myself and my Indianapolis Indians allegiance. I am from the “southside” (throw ‘em up) of Indy. I love my city (“Why don’t I marry it” is a valid question to ask at this point for those of you with the sense of humor of an 8 year old like myself). I’m a fan of the Pacers, Colts, and my beloved Indianapolis Indians (Basically, this is me in 20 years). I don’t like baseball and I don’t hide it. The sport bores me. The pre-teens have it figured out already. There is a reason kids sit out in right field and eat popcorn, pick their nose, and re-inact the fight seen from the Power Ranger episode they watched before their game (Go Tommy! It’s Morphin’ Time!!). I don’t enjoy watching two pitchers battle it out in a 2-1 12 inning thriller. Here is what I do like about baseball: Sunflower seeds (I am addicted).  I think the main reason I don’t like baseball is because it was always my weakest sport (Just like Smalls, but I guessed he turned out ok); So I had trouble relating to it. I like the Indy Indians plain and simple because it is my hometown team. An outing at Victory Field also provides a fun, cheap date (When I can land one that is. Ladies, my treat!) One argument I’d like to pose, however, is the rich history of the Indianapolis Indians alumni. How about this for an ALL-Century Team:

1.)  Ken Griffey Jr.- Starting at the guy that can hit it over the fence a lot and will never be caught using steroids (like I care).

2.)  Roger Maris- The guy that pissed everyone off and stole “The Babes” homerun record.

3.)  Randy Johnson- Top 10 pitcher of all time (No evidence to back this up, I just know he has had an unreal career) as well as BEST MLB MULLET EVER!!! Is he a registered sex offender yet?

4.)  Grover Cleveland Alexander- That old guy that used to pitch and made it into the Hall of Fame. Arguably one of the coolest first names of all time.

As an Indians fan, I think it’s safe to say you can tell we have been blessed to be in the company of some of the game's greats (And they have $1 hot dog nights in the summer. It doesn’t get much better than that. Unfortunately for Takeru Kobayashi, he is on the DO NOT LET IN list.)


Random Movie Quote: 

“It’s all right, it’s ok, there’s something to live for… UMMMM” (Major props to you if you get this by the way.)

Anyways, now that I have defended myself I would like to turn your attention (Come on ADD’ers) to my new topic of discussion. I would like to dabble into the ‘WTF are these people doing with their lives’ these days discussion. I decided to look at 3 of my FAVORITE movies from childhoods past. Two of which I have already referenced in recent blog posts (Get out your pens and pencils.. its quiz time!). The movies in which I will looking into are 3 Ninjas, Little Giants, and Heavyweights. So Enjoy…..

3 Ninjas- I would like to look at Rocky, Colt, and Tum Tum.


Here it goes…

Rocky (Michael Treanor)- He was a tough cookie to find out about. There really isn’t much (at all) about him on the wonderful World Wide Web (Thanks again Al Gore.. I’m cereal). He was the “ladies” man both in the film (“Rocky Loves E-M-I-L-Y.” It should be noted that Nuss has a significant other named Emily. So feel free to ask yourself if I ever yelled “Nussbaum Loves E-M-I-L-Y” down the halls in high school) and to the female audience of this film. Basically, Michael enjoyed success in the 3 Ninjas movie series (All sucked besides the original. Even if Hulkamania made an appearance in one).  Once these movies ended, he decided he didn’t care for acting. Really??? You hate money then apparently. Wikipedia mentions that he went on to college and studied computer science. It also says that he is rumored to be making a movie about ROCKY as a grown up (Ummm, count me in. But, only if he gives an “AYA AYA” after every kick and punch 18 years later). Basically, I can only assume that this is what he has become. If you ask me, he should be playing for the Indiana Pacers. He literally dunked from the 3 point line in middle school. Out of the way King James, make way for Michael “pass me the rock-Y” Treanor.

Colt (Max Elliot Slade)- Ahhh, my favorite of the 3 Ninjas. I think he's my favorite because he was the middle child like I am (kind of. I’m the 3^rd of 4). There is a little more info about Maxwell then there was on Michael. After Max enjoyed his success in the 3 Ninjas series he was fortunate to be cast as the role of Tom Hank’s son in Apollo 13 (Who knew being a movie ninja could take you so far). Again, like Rocky, Max Slade decided that acting wasn’t for him at that point in his life. He earned an anthropology degree from USC. One has to wonder, how he did with the ladies while at USC. So Cal is known for having beautiful women. Can’t you see it now? Max Slade at the bar on a Saturday night probably would of said a little something like this (I would have, anyway), “What’s up girl? My names Max, but all my friends call me Colt. I’m kinda a big deal. I was in 3 Ninjas, I’m sure you’ve seen it.” BOOM, there’s the closer. That beats any pick-up line in my eyes if he chose to use that. If not, he is clearly beating himself up now. This line would of had a 100% percent success rate. In case that didn’t work, surely he carries his authentic mask with him at all times as his shoe-in if his closer doesn’t work. I wonder how often he gets the “Light up the eyes, boys. Light up the eyes!” from the ladies when he’s ‘doing work’. At the very least, I hope he had more success picking up a girl then this guy. He also wanted to focus on being a musician (Ahhh, don’t they all) and IMDB states that he is currently teaching a yoga class (Ok, that’s just too easy to even comment on). Max is rumored to want to re-enter the film industry. Who will hire him remains to be seen…

Tum Tum (Chad Thomas Power)- Everyone’s favorite kid ninja. The dude would literally eat ANYTHING (except dog poop of course, which he pointed out in the movie.) Again, there is very little on the ‘net’ about CTP (a way cooler nickname then “JTT”). Chad again kind of peaked in his career during the 3 Ninjas series. Who am I kidding, you have to get other work in order to ‘peak’. That’s all he did. I did find that he was on the baseball and wrestling teams at his high school. Other than this little info on him, he has laid pretty low since then. I suppose we will have to assume what has become of him. Here goes nothing:

1.)    While in college, after proving to his pledge class he was actually  in 3 Ninjas, they didn’t believe he would eat anything and claimed he was all talk (Chad was quick to point out that as long as it wasn’t dog poop, as mentioned earlier, that he was down like Charlie Brown). He then was challenged to eat a T-bone steak completely raw. His older ‘brothers’ decided since they weren’t having an Office Hoes/CEOS party this evening, they were going to have too many roofies left over. They have a certain monthly quota to meet on these roofies so they had to use them or they might lose their supplier (They didn’t want that). Not thinking of the consequences and living in the moment, they slipped 15 roofies in poor Tum Tum’s raw steak. Tum Tum completed the challenge. However, he tragically passed away due to the stupidity of his ‘brothers’. R.I.P Chad Thomas Power, you will be missed (To my friends in fraternities, take it easy! It’s just a (true) stereotype.).

Or

2.)    Due to his ability to eat (almost) anything in 3 Ninjas. The Food Network Channel has decided to try and get him to host his own show where he will eat all kinds of disgusting foods. The title will be I’ll Eat Anything (But Dog Poop).They have been trying to get this show off the ground for about 10 years and it looks as if the two sides could finally be coming to an agreement.

Highly unlike, yes, but due to a lack of information, one can only assume. In fact, I would like to see this information end up on Wikipedia. I am not going to do this of course. However, I challenge one of our (few) readers to get the ball rolling on this rumor.

To sum it up, no one knows what any of these three are doing. I guess you could call them ‘one hit wonders’. Chalk this section up in the Loss column for me. I hope to find more information in my two other favorite childhood movies.
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Due to a time commitment for reading these posts, I have chosen to break this entry into three different posts. So, if you liked this one stay tuned and as always, tell your friends to check us out.

In the spirit of “childhood” movie stars, please watch this clip from Dickie Roberts.

Up next will be Little Giants. Please note that I am all for getting comments/suggestions for you on another childhood movie I could look into! So, e-mail us at clawandnussreviews@gmail.com.

In the words of the crazy lady from Happy Gilmore, “Mista… Mista… Get me outta here!”

-#0 The Claw