I was in 3 Ninjas. Can I Have Yo' Number?

First and foremost… In response to Nuss’s post about my hatred for baseball, I would like to explain myself and my Indianapolis Indians allegiance. I am from the “southside” (throw ‘em up) of Indy. I love my city (“Why don’t I marry it” is a valid question to ask at this point for those of you with the sense of humor of an 8 year old like myself). I’m a fan of the Pacers, Colts, and my beloved Indianapolis Indians (Basically, this is me in 20 years). I don’t like baseball and I don’t hide it. The sport bores me. The pre-teens have it figured out already. There is a reason kids sit out in right field and eat popcorn, pick their nose, and re-inact the fight seen from the Power Ranger episode they watched before their game (Go Tommy! It’s Morphin’ Time!!). I don’t enjoy watching two pitchers battle it out in a 2-1 12 inning thriller. Here is what I do like about baseball: Sunflower seeds (I am addicted).  I think the main reason I don’t like baseball is because it was always my weakest sport (Just like Smalls, but I guessed he turned out ok); So I had trouble relating to it. I like the Indy Indians plain and simple because it is my hometown team. An outing at Victory Field also provides a fun, cheap date (When I can land one that is. Ladies, my treat!) One argument I’d like to pose, however, is the rich history of the Indianapolis Indians alumni. How about this for an ALL-Century Team:

1.)  Ken Griffey Jr.- Starting at the guy that can hit it over the fence a lot and will never be caught using steroids (like I care).

2.)  Roger Maris- The guy that pissed everyone off and stole “The Babes” homerun record.

3.)  Randy Johnson- Top 10 pitcher of all time (No evidence to back this up, I just know he has had an unreal career) as well as BEST MLB MULLET EVER!!! Is he a registered sex offender yet?

4.)  Grover Cleveland Alexander- That old guy that used to pitch and made it into the Hall of Fame. Arguably one of the coolest first names of all time.

As an Indians fan, I think it’s safe to say you can tell we have been blessed to be in the company of some of the game's greats (And they have $1 hot dog nights in the summer. It doesn’t get much better than that. Unfortunately for Takeru Kobayashi, he is on the DO NOT LET IN list.)


Random Movie Quote: 

“It’s all right, it’s ok, there’s something to live for… UMMMM” (Major props to you if you get this by the way.)

Anyways, now that I have defended myself I would like to turn your attention (Come on ADD’ers) to my new topic of discussion. I would like to dabble into the ‘WTF are these people doing with their lives’ these days discussion. I decided to look at 3 of my FAVORITE movies from childhoods past. Two of which I have already referenced in recent blog posts (Get out your pens and pencils.. its quiz time!). The movies in which I will looking into are 3 Ninjas, Little Giants, and Heavyweights. So Enjoy…..

3 Ninjas- I would like to look at Rocky, Colt, and Tum Tum.


Here it goes…

Rocky (Michael Treanor)- He was a tough cookie to find out about. There really isn’t much (at all) about him on the wonderful World Wide Web (Thanks again Al Gore.. I’m cereal). He was the “ladies” man both in the film (“Rocky Loves E-M-I-L-Y.” It should be noted that Nuss has a significant other named Emily. So feel free to ask yourself if I ever yelled “Nussbaum Loves E-M-I-L-Y” down the halls in high school) and to the female audience of this film. Basically, Michael enjoyed success in the 3 Ninjas movie series (All sucked besides the original. Even if Hulkamania made an appearance in one).  Once these movies ended, he decided he didn’t care for acting. Really??? You hate money then apparently. Wikipedia mentions that he went on to college and studied computer science. It also says that he is rumored to be making a movie about ROCKY as a grown up (Ummm, count me in. But, only if he gives an “AYA AYA” after every kick and punch 18 years later). Basically, I can only assume that this is what he has become. If you ask me, he should be playing for the Indiana Pacers. He literally dunked from the 3 point line in middle school. Out of the way King James, make way for Michael “pass me the rock-Y” Treanor.

Colt (Max Elliot Slade)- Ahhh, my favorite of the 3 Ninjas. I think he's my favorite because he was the middle child like I am (kind of. I’m the 3^rd of 4). There is a little more info about Maxwell then there was on Michael. After Max enjoyed his success in the 3 Ninjas series he was fortunate to be cast as the role of Tom Hank’s son in Apollo 13 (Who knew being a movie ninja could take you so far). Again, like Rocky, Max Slade decided that acting wasn’t for him at that point in his life. He earned an anthropology degree from USC. One has to wonder, how he did with the ladies while at USC. So Cal is known for having beautiful women. Can’t you see it now? Max Slade at the bar on a Saturday night probably would of said a little something like this (I would have, anyway), “What’s up girl? My names Max, but all my friends call me Colt. I’m kinda a big deal. I was in 3 Ninjas, I’m sure you’ve seen it.” BOOM, there’s the closer. That beats any pick-up line in my eyes if he chose to use that. If not, he is clearly beating himself up now. This line would of had a 100% percent success rate. In case that didn’t work, surely he carries his authentic mask with him at all times as his shoe-in if his closer doesn’t work. I wonder how often he gets the “Light up the eyes, boys. Light up the eyes!” from the ladies when he’s ‘doing work’. At the very least, I hope he had more success picking up a girl then this guy. He also wanted to focus on being a musician (Ahhh, don’t they all) and IMDB states that he is currently teaching a yoga class (Ok, that’s just too easy to even comment on). Max is rumored to want to re-enter the film industry. Who will hire him remains to be seen…

Tum Tum (Chad Thomas Power)- Everyone’s favorite kid ninja. The dude would literally eat ANYTHING (except dog poop of course, which he pointed out in the movie.) Again, there is very little on the ‘net’ about CTP (a way cooler nickname then “JTT”). Chad again kind of peaked in his career during the 3 Ninjas series. Who am I kidding, you have to get other work in order to ‘peak’. That’s all he did. I did find that he was on the baseball and wrestling teams at his high school. Other than this little info on him, he has laid pretty low since then. I suppose we will have to assume what has become of him. Here goes nothing:

1.)    While in college, after proving to his pledge class he was actually  in 3 Ninjas, they didn’t believe he would eat anything and claimed he was all talk (Chad was quick to point out that as long as it wasn’t dog poop, as mentioned earlier, that he was down like Charlie Brown). He then was challenged to eat a T-bone steak completely raw. His older ‘brothers’ decided since they weren’t having an Office Hoes/CEOS party this evening, they were going to have too many roofies left over. They have a certain monthly quota to meet on these roofies so they had to use them or they might lose their supplier (They didn’t want that). Not thinking of the consequences and living in the moment, they slipped 15 roofies in poor Tum Tum’s raw steak. Tum Tum completed the challenge. However, he tragically passed away due to the stupidity of his ‘brothers’. R.I.P Chad Thomas Power, you will be missed (To my friends in fraternities, take it easy! It’s just a (true) stereotype.).

Or

2.)    Due to his ability to eat (almost) anything in 3 Ninjas. The Food Network Channel has decided to try and get him to host his own show where he will eat all kinds of disgusting foods. The title will be I’ll Eat Anything (But Dog Poop).They have been trying to get this show off the ground for about 10 years and it looks as if the two sides could finally be coming to an agreement.

Highly unlike, yes, but due to a lack of information, one can only assume. In fact, I would like to see this information end up on Wikipedia. I am not going to do this of course. However, I challenge one of our (few) readers to get the ball rolling on this rumor.

To sum it up, no one knows what any of these three are doing. I guess you could call them ‘one hit wonders’. Chalk this section up in the Loss column for me. I hope to find more information in my two other favorite childhood movies.
_____________________________________________________________

Due to a time commitment for reading these posts, I have chosen to break this entry into three different posts. So, if you liked this one stay tuned and as always, tell your friends to check us out.

In the spirit of “childhood” movie stars, please watch this clip from Dickie Roberts.

Up next will be Little Giants. Please note that I am all for getting comments/suggestions for you on another childhood movie I could look into! So, e-mail us at clawandnussreviews@gmail.com.

In the words of the crazy lady from Happy Gilmore, “Mista… Mista… Get me outta here!”

-#0 The Claw

“Three Strikes, You’re Out” : A Review of Bull Durham

I decided to start watching baseball movies in order to get myself ready for the fast-approaching MLB opening day. I am a huge Cubs fan (haha very funny, I know it has been over a hundred years). While Joey and I share a plethora of common interests, baseball is not one of them (he claims to be a fan of the hometown MILB Indianapolis Indians). Growing up, baseball was never my best sport, but there is something about it that just rings true with my soul (this led me to create possibly the greatest slow-pitch softball team of all time, The Revolution, feel free to comment below if you agree). It’s America’s pastime. It has a history richer than any other sport. Part of that history is my beloved Wrigley Field (sorry Joey, it's better than Victory field). Say what you will about the seats, the lack of a replay screen, and the obstructed view seats, but few things in sports rival going to a game on a sunny summer afternoon in Chicago. If you get the chance to sit in the bleachers with the “bums,” I can guarantee that it will be one you will never forget.

So I find myself in late February with my Wildcats shooting themselves in the foot, and the Winter Olympics wrapping up…and I’m jonesin’ for some baseball. To satisfy my craving, I recently went on Netflix (if you don’t have it, you’re missing out) and added any baseball movie I had heard of to the top of my queue. I also decided that to kick off the season I would write a blog entry about my Top 5 all-time favorite baseball films. But before I made my list I wanted to make sure that I had seen the best baseball that Hollywood had to offer.

My quest began with Bull Durham (1988) starring Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon. My plan was to watch a handful of the films that I hadn’t seen, then rank them with the ones I had seen, and make my entry. However, it is extremely safe to say this one won’t make the cut. On the contrary, it would probably make my all-time worst sports movies list.

This ‘romantic comedy’ is neither romantic nor comedic. The premise is that Annie Savoy (Sarandon) is the baseball version of a gym rat, her favorite team being the minor league Durham Bulls. Each season she chooses one player who she will sleep with for the duration of the year. This magically propels that player to a great year. Costner’s character, Crash Davis, is a worn out catcher who has been assigned to help Nuke Laloosh (Tim Robbins), a young gun with a laser-rocket arm, develop into a major league pitcher. Annie chooses Laloosh to be her lucky man, but soon finds out that she really wants Crash. Laloosh eventually makes it to ‘the show’ and Crash and Annie get together. That’s the entire plot. I swear that I left nothing out.

Besides a little but of a minor league/major league dynamic and some ornate baseball prose from Sarandon as narrator, this movie is more about sex than about baseball. There are multiple scenes that will make you feel flat out awkward. Call me sexist, but the idea that Annie could sit in the stands, diagnose, and fix technical problems with the players’ fundamentals seems a tad far-fetched. The romance consists of Costner and Sarandon not liking each other then hooking up in multiple settings for over five straight minutes of the film at the end of the movie. As for comedy, the only time I laughed was when I literally exclaimed “what are we watching!” (I watched it with my housemate Jos. A. Bank, shoutout to Joe). The best part of the movie is a 20 second Costner monologue when, among other things, he says “I believe there should be a Congressional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter,.” (I couldn't agree more). His character, is aptly named, because like car crash aftermath, you just had to keep watching.

I have been told on multiple occasions that this is a baseball classic. Not only is it an awful film, but it also cheapens baseball. So to recap: strike 1-bad plot, strike 2-not about baseball, strike 3-terrible ending. Not what I was looking for out of my leadoff hitter.


Keep checking back for my Top 5 all-time baseball movies list. Also, don’t forget to subscribe with the RSS feed and to also follow us on Twitter. If there is a movie that you want to see, but have reservations, or just one that you want to hear our opinions about, just shoot us a request at clawandnussreviews@gmail.com and we’ll see what we can do for you (no Emily, you can’t just request a chick flick so that I have to watch it with you, nice try). Thanks for reading, and be sure to tell your friends about us.

Hold on…yup, fat lady’s singing. It’s over.



-Nuss

Brett Favererer-A Foreshadowing of His Legacy

Hey all,

First, let me start by saying thanks to all the support and feedback you gave us on our first entries. This is something James and I are excited about and we hope it will take off (So…. Spread the word)! I hope you enjoyed our introductions and movies.

James recently posted a review on the new movie Wolfman. He was extremely let down by the movie to say the least. However, I told him although it was a bad Werewolf movie, there are definitely worse. The sad thing is, I actually own Teen Wolf Too (You’ll find out pretty quick, if it’s cheap enough, I’ll buy anything). In my defense, the only reason I splurged ‘5 bones’ on this movie is because it was a combo pack that included the original Teen Wolf, which is Michael J. Fox at his finest. But, enough about Werewolf’s….


Random movie quote of the entry:

If O.J. can get away with murder, why can’t Sonny have his kid? This guy knows what I’m talking about.


After spending countless hours reading through all of your e-mails (We got one total), I have decided to use this post to give a Movie Review Request from my eyes, the Clawview (the only way to see a movie). The request was for what my thoughts are on There’s Something About Mary. Please note, I will not be giving ANY spoiler alerts in this post. This movie is twelve years old. If you haven’t seen it yet (James), it’s time you start doing something with your life. This was a review I couldn’t do by memory. Therefore, I had to re-watch the film which I didn’t mind (Like I have better things to do with my time).

TSAM is an enjoyable comedy in which Ben Stiller does a great job playing his part (It should be noted, however, that this movie is Ben Stiller at his finest. Perkis Power baby!). The movie starts out with Ben Stiller falling in love with Cameron Diaz in High school. Basically, they are supposed to go to prom, but due to an unfortunate bathroom incident (We got a bleeder!) they don’t get to go. She moved away and he never saw her again. Many years later, Stiller hires Matt Dillon (aka big tooth) to search out Mary and see what she is up to (I have yet to resort to his creepy ways).Dillon does a little recon on this Mary chick and finds out she’s a hottie (I mean, it’s Cameron Diaz). Basically, for the rest of the movie you have a variety of people chasing after Mary and they all plot to set each other up and screw one another over. There is even a cameo from the one and only Brett Favre (if you don’t know much about Brett, tune into ESPN anytime of the day and they are talking about him. Hang on, just turned on ESPN. This just in Brett Favre has retired. Wait, wait, wait, he’s back. No he’s not. Wait, he is. Ahhhhh, gotta’ love what he does for football!). Who would have known that this movie would be a foreshadowing of how Favre would finish out his football career. Favre gets ran off by Mary due to being set-up by Tucker (a fraud also after Mary). Just when you think he’s out of the picture and done with her, BOOM he comes back (Packers, Jets, and Vikings fans know all about this). There is actually a rumor that a There’s Something About Mary 2 is in the works, but they are waiting on a commitment from Brett. He’s in, he’s out, he’s in he’s out… Make up your damn mind already! In the end after the long battle, Ted (Ben Stiller) gets the girl. AWWWWWW what a happy ending!

In my eyes, this comedy is an instant classic. It has a great cast, a humorous, out of the ordinary love story, a sports icon cameo, all sorts of one liners, and a scene that pushed the limits beyond its years (Is that hair gel?) All this time I never noticed, but one must question whose “hair gel” is Rihanna borrowing these days? I understand they are pushing the limit like crazy these days in comedies with things like showing girls crowning (Wait.. Wait.. your special place down there does WHAT?), Jason Segal in his birthday suit, and the stereotyping of Asian male genitala. However, you have to appreciate TSAM because it is well before its time when it comes to pushing the limit. In this movie, you have an unfortunate zipper accident (OWWIE), Some saggy old boobs, and of course Ted’s special sauce. In closing, it is important to recognize There’s Something About Mary for how funny it truly is and give credit where credit is due. This movie was a pioneer in the “groaner” scene movement and I thank the Farrely Brothers for that.

If you are a fan of Build Me Up Buttercup, please take a minute to watch one of the best closing credit scenes EVER!


Rating: 4 out of 5 Ninja Stars. Clawview: 8/10

Favorite Quote: Franks and Beans. Franks and Beans!


We hope you guys are enjoying this as much as much as we are. Thank you for all of your support. Nuss and I have been bouncing a lot of “cool” ideas (that showcase our lameness) off each other’s heads for upcoming posts. Again though we want to hear from you, so please post comments on here, e-mail us @ clawandnussreviews@gmail.com, call us, facebook us, text us, sext us,etc.

Again, follow us on twitter at http://twitter.com/CLAWtomicBAUM for entertaining daily movie quotes.

That is all… AND…. I’m gone.


Salutations,

-#0 The Claw

Rats…Why’d It Have to be Rats?: A Review of Shutter Island

When I saw trailers for this movie I was really interested. But after talking to my friends I was less interested than I had been. Most of them expressed fears that it would be a demonic horror film, or that it would be a movie that kept you jumping throughout. For whatever reason I did not get these same perceptions from the trailer. And without sounding to arrogant, I was right. The scariest part was when there were a couple thousand rats (rats are to me what snakes are to Indiana Jones) wriggling around on some rocks and making the horrid little rat noises. This movie is in no way scary, and is only rated R for some excess blood and a couple of F bombs. Other than that, it is just a great Scorsese thriller. Leonardo DiCaprio lives up to his Academy Award winning status, and Mark Ruffalo and Ben Kinglsey also turn in noteworthy performances. The plot has more layers than an onion and there are multiple twists and turns.

Because of the nature of this movie, I fear that I will not be able to talk more about it without giving away or at the very least hinting at what happens in the hybrid mystery-thriller plot. If you don’t care or have already seen the movie, by all means, keep reading on. But if you would like to see the movie unbiased and unprejudiced, please stop reading here and take my recommendation to see it.

Shutter Island
(4.5 out of 5)

SPOILER ALERT

The plot reminded me a lot of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense. The way that you are completely immersed into another person’s psyche, their very reality, is truly a testament to great writing and acting.

Even so, this movie was all over the place. From a knock on HUAC and the communist witch hunts of McCarthyism to a one-on-one chat with the warden who apparently reads Nietzsche when he isn’t dealing with the crazies, to a critique on the inhumane lengths people will go to in an attempt to gain power (Nazi concentration camps, North Korean and Soviet testing) this movie covers a gamut of highly charged political and ethical topics. In doing so, it succeeds in diverting your attention from what is going on in the asylum and to the conspiracy theories that DiCaprio concocts or the affects of the atrocities he has encountered. When it is all said and done, you may need to watch Dumb and Dumber or Napoleon Dynamite just to give your mind a break.

This is a movie that cannot be fully understood unless experienced. The web that Scorsese constructs is pulls you in without your knowledge. While some parts were a bit unsatisfying, a second viewing may tie up some loose ends. But it will be a little while before my mind stops spinning, so that second viewing will have to wait for the DVD release.



-Nuss

Beauty and the Beast…Rated R: A review of The Wolfman

I have always enjoyed movies that retell stories of mythical creatures from classic literature. Movies such as The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Van Helsing, and most recently Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr. all fit into this subgenre, and I have enjoyed all of them. So when I saw a trailer for The Wolfman, another movie set in 19th Europe that fell into this same classification, I was very interested.

I was let down to say the least.

The worst part was the it started off promising. Benicio Del Torro’s (who reminds me of a Leondardo DiCaprio Brad Pitt mix) has some depth, and I was pleasantly surprised to see Anthony Hopkins, because I had forgotten that he was in the film. But just after the first twenty minutes, the movie falls apart. Even at the beginning the action is based on cheap tricks to make you jump from your seat and soon after we are reminded (spoiler alert) that if you need someone to eat humans, Anthony Hopkins is your man.

The climatic werewolf on werewolf fight scene epitomizes the terrible plot as the climax of the movie. The only thing weirder than Hopkins actually accepting this role was the strange slippery slope argument with regards to human life that was more than an undertone in the film. Twice there is mention that killing a man is a sin, but killing a beast is not, the problem is deciding where the line is between the two. One cannot help but think this was some weird attempt at an argument against abortion or euthanasia, but I am still trying to figure out why there was a sign in the movie that said London 18 miles (don’t they use metric in England?)

The plotline in many ways is similar to that of the Disney classic Beauty and the Beast, except the clever characters and catchy songs are replaced with loads of violence and heaps of entrails. A kind old gypsy tells a female character that one who truly loves the werewolf will be able to set him free, and scenes of rose petals falling in the West Wing after the proud prince turned away the beggar in the animated favorite. At the very end of the movie (spoiler alert), we find our heroine in a situation where she has confronted Benecio Del Lobo (bad Spanish joke) and everyone is ready for the big kiss that will turn the pots in pans back into people. Unfortunately the plan doesn’t seem to work and he still tries to kill her. Just when I think things are about to change for the better, he promptly grabs a pistol and blasts a silver bullet through his heart. But I guess that’s what I get for putting my trust in a gypsy.


The Wolfman
(1.5 stars)

-Nuss

My First Post

For the sake of introduction, my name is James Nussbaum and I am a senior at Northwestern University in Chicago. I believe that you can tell a lot about a person by the movies that they like. That being said, you’ll learn much more about me as this blog continues.

Joey and I go way back. In elementary school and middle school we spent many a weekend playing AAU basketball together. We developed a great friendship that continued on into high school. In high school we continued our hooping ways. I played football as well, while Joey chose to focus on basketball (many thanks to Coach Wessling). We had crazy schedules, but always made time to hang out and catch a movie. The two of us with the help of Trent Brunic even started an informal group. We called ourselves the Movie Rats.

We were the Frank, Dean, and Sammy of movie watching. We watched movies voraciously and it didn’t matter what kind. It usually turned out that I would orchestrate when we would seen new releases in theaters, and Joey’s place was where we would go to lounge around and watch a rental or the latest comedy he had found on sale. When we weren’t working out or shooting in the gym, we were watching movies. It was the life.

But all good things come to an end. Trent ended up in another high school, while Joey and I found another thing in common. We had been benched. After choosing us to practice with the Indiana All-Stars (I have the pictures to prove it), our Joe Pesci look-alike coach decided we weren’t good enough anymore. We began to get real cozy on the bench. I think we may have even been the reasons for our assigned seats on the bench. It’s weird how a friendship can deepen through some adversity, but ours truly did (shout out to Eric Hazelbaker too). I know I am getting soft on you, but it’s truth.

We went our separate ways in college, but our love for movies didn’t waver. Without Joey to talk to as much, I picked up the hobby of writing short movie reviews online. I began to post them on facebook and Joey took notice. He sent me a message saying that we should start a website or a blog to share our love for movies with whoever would listen. I loved the idea. So this is it.

You’re not going to find detailed analysis of editing and directing in this blog. Nor are you going to find two guys who are too eccentric to relate to. We are two real guys, giving real reviews. We each have our own personal areas of expertise and will share anything and everything related to movies. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.



For a bit of a teaser, Joey and I are doing a Top 5. My Top 5 will be different from Joey’s in that they are in no particular order. Movies differ so much from genre to genre that it is often times hard to compare movies across genres. Usually I would go into much more detail when reviewing movies (stay tuned for more in the future), but today will be a small appetizer so that you can get a feel of what is important to me in movies.
Drumroll please…

Ocean’s Eleven (2001)
The greatest heist film of all-time. This movie has it all, action, humor, backstabbing, love, a spectacular soundtrack, and it is all executed by own of the best casts ever assembled. A remake of the Rat Pack’s original, Clooney and Pitt are as close to the superstar status of Sinatra and Dino that anyone in Hollywood could be. Whether you view it by itself or as an installment of the trilogy, it is a great movie.

Remember the Titans (2000)
This movie captures the fundamental essence of sports. Having played football, I am often very critical of football movies, but this one gets it right. I am also usually skeptical of movies primarily about race, but again, this one gets it right. Again an awesome soundtrack and an amazing performance by Denzel Washington (you’ll learn he is own of my favorites) make this movie one of the best in the sports genre.

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
The fact that I did not choose Return of the King may surprise many. However, Two Towers best captures the spirit of the overall trilogy. Peter Jackson masterfully brings JR Tolkien’s epic work of genius to life. The story is basic in principle, but the added layers of detail and character development that make up Middle Earth create a story that the viewer can nearly participate in. And once again, great soundtrack.

Toy Story (1995)
A movie that will forever change the way in which animation is made. One of the best examples of fun for the whole family. A great cast and a great story told in the wonderful way that only Disney can. Randy Newman put his touch on this one while Pixar introduced revolutionary animation techniques making this one a feast for both eyes and ears. Toy Story revolutionized animation and created such lasting characters that a decade an a half later the third installment will debut (pretty pumped for Toy Story 3).

Home Alone (1990)
A definite must watch each holiday season. What kid didn’t want a Talkboy or imagine being left at home while his family went on vacation after watching this movie? What is amazing is that even as an adult this movie is wonderful. Quotes range from “Snakes, I don’t know no Snakes” to “Kevin, you're what the French call les incompetents.” And how can you go wrong with a score by John Williams? A holiday tradition no family should be without.




Hope you liked my first entry. Please shoot us an e-mail and clawandnussreviews@gmail.com or comment to let us know what you think. New posts are just around the corner. In the meantime, tell everyone you know about the best movie blog you have ever read (let’s face it you haven’t read another one). We’re hoping that if we build it, they will come. Thanks guys.

-Nuss

Two Men and Some Movies

The CLAWtomic BAUM Movie Reviews

Hello to everyone (When I say everyone, I mean Hi mom, hi dad! Also, the four friends that I have.. What’s up?). Myself and James Nussbaum have decided we want to spread our knowledge (next to none) and love (wow, we have no lives) of movies to everyone who wants to listen! This can range from a variety of things. Our discussion will include, but are not limited to movie reviews, top movies, worst movies, favorite genres, answering your e-mails, etc.

I’m sure a lot of you are wondering who are these two young guns? Ok, you’re right. No one gives a rip, but we are going to enlighten you anyway. James and I go way back to elementary school. You are being blessed to read and pick the brains of a couple absolute studs. Growing up, James and I always knew we were going to be professional athletes. James was destined for the NFL. I on the other hand was destined for the NBA. As we finish our college careers and are ready to move onto the next chapters of our lives, we realized dreams don’t come true (That’s right kids, you really can(‘T) achieve anything if you put your mind to it). James has just wrapped up a college career that included him with the opportunity to play (walk-on) football at Northwestern… Go Cats! I was fortunate to have the opportunity to play (walk-on, hey James and I have something in common!) basketball for two seasons for The Ball State David Letterman’s, Chirp-Chirp! As slow, white, unathletic guys we know that realistically the chances of playing athletics professionally are none and none. We know that it is time to spend all of our time doing something else. James and I have a lot of great stories that involve movies. We each went on our one (and only) blind date to see a movie when we were 14 (Pirates of the Caribbean). A big shout out to my man Trent Brunic for setting James and I up with the most awkward night of our lives. I still wonder why she never returned my calls… sigh. We also attempted to go see Mean Girls in theatres (I don’t care who you are. At one point, Lindsay Lohan was hot! My how things change). We ended up sneaking out of the theatre before the movie ever started because the “hot/cool” older girls from our high school went out as a group to see it at the same time. Being the manly men that we are and not wanting to spoil a chance of landing a late prom date with a senior, I suggested to James it would be in our best interest to wait for the DVD release. Because of our common interest and stories shared from movies, here comes the blog.

Since the pro sports career might not happen, I have to start looking elsewhere. My back up plan to being an NBA player (Thanks a lot Mark “The Shark” Titus, you ruined my idea of putting my name in the draft, but I still admire you anyway.) was always to be a stay-at-home dad and marry a “sugar momma”. Well, I’m 22 and single so you tell me if that one is going to work out. I know dad, I know, “Marry for height and money, you can learn to love them later!” I’m working on it I promise! My back-up, back-up plan was always… nothing because I knew I would get Plan A and B, make millions and take millions from my wife!

So, I currently am in quite the dilemma. I will be graduating this May from college and entering the “valid world” (sorry, I hate the term “real world” and that was the best synonym I could come up with). I am having quite the challenge deciding what I want to do when I graduate. To say I don’t have a clue would be, well, an understatement. Everyone always says you have to figure out what you love doing and then find a job that relates to that. Since my ultimate passion is sleeping, I realize I will never get paid to do what I really love for a living (not fair). However, my friends tell me I am a walking movie. I can’t go a day without quoting a movie and certain ones I quote so good that I stare at myself in the mirror and think get a life (Just kidding… I’m awesome!). James can vouch for this. We spent 3 seasons sitting on the bench for Varsity basketball. Most kids probably watched the game and talked about what was going on the court. Not us, we talked about girls (we got none, we were on the end of the bench, and the only person that’s a bigger loser than the guys that can’t get in the game are the chicks dating those two guys), our passion for hating our high school coach (Hey, there’s another thing I love, can I make a career out of that?), and movies.

Since I have a passion for movies and movie quoting I figured I could always be a movie critic (Ha, that’ll happen). Instead, I have decided I want to spend hours discussing movies and my thoughts on them with you for FREE, did I mention I’m awesome? When I say I love movies, it’s a fact. I’m not using that word like a sorority girl that loves all her sisters and thinks they’re her besties (HATE THAT WORD). I am the kid that successfully found a way to tie a Dirty Work clip into every one of my speeches given in my high school speech class, including an impromptu speech (I carried the movie with me at all times). I am also the kid that owns a combo DVD pack that has both Mr. Nanny and Suburban Commando (Yeah, I went there). I don’t say OMG The Hangover is the funniest movie ever (Really??? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being in a wolfpack just as much as the next guy, but come on!) I also just have random quotes that pop in my head for no reason at all. For example:

"Hi, Frank. That's a nice doll you have there. Yeah, Thanks. She's ok."

To start with our first blog, James and I are going to give you our top 5 movies. Please note that this is where you will notice that we have a vastly different taste. James would probably grade my movie taste as horrendous, but I just say he doesn’t know good comedy! Also, please recognize that this is not a Top 5 best movies, these are my favorite five. Here goes nuttin’.

5. BASEketball- Anyone who says this movie sucks can’t be my friend. This is one of the most underrated/under quoted movies of our generation. I re-call a 2 week period where this movie appeared on Starz every night at 9 PM for two weeks straight. Needless to say my little brother (What up, Jon? I don’t care how tall you are, you’re still little) watched it almost every night. No, it isn’t a great movie. No, it doesn’t have a great plot. No, there isn’t a twist. However, this is just a very re-watchable movie that I find myself enjoying every time I watch it.

Favorite Quote: "Of course we graduated, cock, beer?"

4. 3 Ninjas- Everyone has the favorite movie from their childhood, am I right? Well, mine was 3 Ninjas. I always pretended I was “Colt” growing up. Watching 3 Ninjas as a (mostly )grown man now makes me appreciate my young innocence even more. It doesn’t matter what is going on in my day, if I put this movie on, I am a kid again for approximately 90 minutes and then it’s back to reality. If anyone would like to purchase this movie poster for me, it would be greatly appreciated. In fact, I think I will add that to my dream girl qualities. I tell everyone the day I buy a lucky girl a ring is the day she either: A) Is a South Park Fan B) Buys me a pair of Air Jordan shoes for a holiday and now C) Buys me the 3 Ninjas poster.

Favorite Quote: "We don’t wanna hurt you, we just wanna KIDNAP you."

3. Fletch- In my opinion, you can’t go wrong with Chevy Chase. He is probably my favorite all time actor. I have even dedicated a handful of class presentations in his honor (A true American hero, just like JFK and Martin Luther King Jr.!). That being said, it doesn’t get better than Chevy Chase dressing up as a bunch of ridiculous characters. The movie actually has a decent plot and is definitely a classic. I am glaring up at the movie poster as we speak. It is hanging in my room right next to Semi-Pro (hilarious movie).

Favorite Quote: "I rent ‘em. I have a lease with an option to buy."

2. The Dark Knight- Is there a “super hero” movie better than the Dark Knight? I don’t think so (although Batman Begins (Dang, Christopher Nolan, you can make movies!) and Ironman do give it a run for its money). Heath Ledger is iconic in this movie and will forever leave his mark on movies. The man died as Joker. He proved he can flat out act in anything. From bad boy heartthrob in 10 Things I hate About You, to boy loving man in Brokeback Mountain, to creep villain in TDK. There are two flaws in this movie that keep it from being my number one best movie. First, Christian Bale’s Batman voice is so overdone and dramatic. I sometimes think I would be more entertained if someone did a voice over with the chipmunks voice. Secondly, Maggie Gyllenhall being Bruce Wayne’s childhood love is a no-no. Call me shallow, but a girl of her caliber is not who I see Bruce Wayne with. He is portrayed in every movie as being Filet Mignon. Whereas I would give Gyllenhall the grade of, er, well, bologna. All in all, a tremendous film with a great cast!

Favorite quote: "The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming."

1. Shawshank Redemption- I know, I know. I am so cliché! But seriously, for me, this is hand downs a great film. It is very hard for me to deem a drama re-watchable, but the Shank is. Morgan Freeman in this movie is golden. I give Shawshank a 9.9999999999999999/10

Favorite quote: "Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’."

As you can see, I am a big fan of re-watchable comedies. You will find that out pretty quick. I also have a wide variety of movies.

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Hope you enjoyed my first entry. If not, just get out of the way while I get busy livin'.

Look for THE James Nussbaum to post his entry very soon...

I'm out.

-#0 The Claw